My refuge. My Rock.

Well, here I am. It's past midnight (usually the time I get to write these blog posts) and I'm inspired:). I have so much to be thankful for this year. The challenges of juggling work, my master's program, mommy duties, and my relationship with my boyfriend have actually turned out to be blessings (although sometimes in disguise). When we're going through the challenges, or as David once put it, as we're "walking in the dark valleys" (Psalm 23:4), the only thing we sometimes want to do is simply get out and run as far as possible. I know for me, running is my first instinct so that I can guard my heart against fears and pain. The last month has been one of prayer, fasting, and seeking lots of advice for wisdom (Proverbs 11:14). I am so thankful to God for giving me his Word. His word is really true and it's true that when we live by his word we will "know the truth and the truth will set us free" (John 8:32). Free from shame, guilt, fears, ...

Do you ever wonder why we sometimes start doubting things we were once so sure of? This has happened to me a few times in my life. In fact, it's happened more than a few times, only there were less than a handful of events that involved relationships. The first was my relationship with God back in the year 2007. This was, of course the most regretful of all doubts because it led me to make some unwise decisions that would affect me for a long time. The next was in my marriage when going through a divorce back in 2009. Most recently, I have doubted my relationship with my boyfriend. In the last blog post, I went into more details about what happened. In this post, I will share what I have learned since then so far. Very recently, I began studying scriptures about contentment in all situations. I began reading the book of Philippians. I felt a need to read this book. Little did I know that what I began to learn was about a lot more than just contentment. As I looked into, visualiz...

About two weeks ago, I had the opportunity to travel to Hartford, Connecticut with my best friend Sara. So many people were saying "You must be so excited to see your boyfriend again!", but to their surprise I did not show too much excitement. I wasn't sure why at that point but God revealed a lot to me during that trip. For the past two months, both my boyfriend and I have been busier than every with the final months of school approaching for the both of us. He's doing his P.H.D. (DMA program) and I'm completing my master's degree in Education. We work, we go to school and we have other important responsibilities. September and October have been rough months for our communication. I noticed that I started feeling distant from him, especially during October. You see, my love language is "words of affirmation". I have to hear words and say words in order to feel loved and connected to people. I especially need words from those I love. It helps me feel...

  Since Monday, October 22 nd , it’s been nineteen years since I’ve been baptized into Christ. I still remember that day like if it was just last week. I was 18 years old, a freshman at Florida International University. I was thankful for how God had guided me to where I was: The first in my whole family to attend a university and I started right after high school only three weeks after graduation. I remember wondering what my place in this world was. I saw myself in this big campus and a life full of possibilities. I just didn’t know exactly why I was there. Then, as I was strolling down the campus waiting for my next class to start, a girl invited me to a bible discussion on campus. I went, listened, and was in awe of how the words of God came alive. I finally began to see how the word of God was truly “living and active” (Hebrews 4:12). I decided to study the bible and build a personal relationship with God and from then on, my life truly began. Nineteen years later,...

It's been a few months since I've written. I feel like a whole chapter of my life happened since April, even though nothing hugely eventful has really occurred. What has occurred are what most people go through in life. Challenging circumstances, encouraging moments, happy memories being built, new places being explored, and learning more and more about myself as all of these things take place. Most importantly learning how much I need to rely on God and how good God really is even when it doesn't feel that way. I believe that God has already written my story and it's a love story indeed. God is in the center of my love story because he always wants to be my first love. My children are in my love story because He has entrusted me with them and they teach me to love in ways I would never know otherwise. My family is in my story because their unconditional love is deep and they are there for me when I need them most. My church family is there for me as I am also th...

     Today marks the 2nd year of my restoration to the fellowship in the church. I'm so very grateful for God's mercy and grace, for his unconditional love and His patience. Yesterday I had the privilege of spending some quality time with an amazing sister in Christ who happens to also be one of our women's ministry leaders. We spoke about life, relationships, our children, and lastly, we spoke about my restoration and what I went through and learned through all of it.  There's a story in the bible "The Prodigal Son" (Luke 15:11-32) and part of it goes like this:   7  “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18  I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19  I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20  So he got up and went to his...

I've been learning a lot over the past month. I'm beginning to see why God has allowed me to be in a dating relationship. In the beginning of the relationship, I was of course, happy, full of hopes and visions for "our future". As the dating relationship began growing, I started noticing what was "not" there which I thought "should" be there. I wanted him to be more like______ and to say more of _______ and to react like ________ and to understand me exactly how I understand myself. Recently I began noticing how much about "ME" I was making this relationship. I started forgetting the reason I wanted to be in a godly relationship. I remember before even being interested in my boyfriend, I would pray for God's will in my life and if he wanted to bless me with a relationship, I prayed that the relationship would have a purpose. In other words, if I was going to date and maybe even eventually marry someone, it would be so that we could be...

The past few weeks have been some of the most challenging I've had in a long time. I felt more demands from work and from school.  These demands have tested me in ways I've never been tested before. They've tested my patience with my boys, my students, and even with my boyfriend. I have never really struggled with fits of rage or anger. My personality and demeanor are generally pretty calm and patient (I guess that's why I've made it all these years as a middle school teacher), but lately I've been feeling like like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It's hard to believe. As I spent time with God this week I wondered why. I began to search my heart and asked God help me and open up my eyes to what was going on inside and asked him to help me to repent of whatever it was that made being patient so difficult. I then remembered this scripture: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of th...